Getting Over.. Moving On

When I experienced my first breakup about two years ago, I was highly disillusioned, about love, my life, many of the things that I have believed then. I used to be so idealistic about that aspect of my life. I thought that I would not have to go through a lot of pain and bitterness but that was exactly how I felt when we decided to separate. For around three months, I was really bitter—to God, to him, I just thought I didn’t deserve to undergo such pain. A lot of things kept me anxious—seeing him with a new girlfriend, not being able to move on, about being not desirable enough to have another boyfriend. And a lot more… a lot of irrational thoughts actually. I remember being afraid to go the mall because I was afraid I’d see him with a new girl!

Then one of my older girlfriends talked to me. She was one of those persons who gave approval to that relationship and after the breakup, we did not really talk much. She was straightforward. She asked me what I thought about the whole thing, how I was feeling and so on. After pouring my heart out, she then proceeded to tell me a list of things that were my assets (or my good qualities). Then she told me that it was because of how I thought about myself that I’ve turned pathetic. That really struck me. After that conversation, I realized that I couldn’t allow my self-defeating thoughts to eat me up. I had to think about the situation in a new light, see it in a different perspective.

Soon, I was able to take advantage of my weight loss (which was a lot, so thanks to that I’m thin now.. haha!), I took care of my facial skin (which was in dire need of that at that time), I was able to go out with a few guys, and spend a lot of my free time bonding with girlfriends (I was not employed then). I began to see things in a more realistic manner: that he was not that compatible me, that we were going to different directions and that we would be stunting each other’s growth if we were still together. Also, I was able to get over the fear of seeing him with someone new, because I actually did, and I realized then that it was bound to happen because I, myself, was going out with other guys.

The change in mentality or the way I was thinking really helped me a lot. Although I did not go through formal counseling, being able to identify the irrational thoughts that were disturbing me and replacing them with rational and more realistic ones enabled me to change the way I felt and even the way I acted. Yes, I learned a lot then, about relationships, about ideals, about reality and about myself. But more importantly, I learned the art of looking into life dilemmas and tensions in a different light, to accommodate and assimilate real life experiences into my cognitions. Most of all, I learned that I have control—over my thoughts, feelings, and behavior, which more or less gives me control of my life events.