My Own Counseling Approach

As a learner of the helping profession, it is a helper-in-training’s appropriate response to explore the kind of approach(es) he or she holds in trying to help others, as a result of becoming acquainted with the vast world of theories presented by studies done years before we even came into existence. As we gain knowledge and experience, it will soon be apparent that we hold specific beliefs, techniques and roles that were plucked from the trays of counseling approaches offered to us by schools of thoughts, which delved into the wondrous world of counseling.

As a Christian, a Filipino, and a woman, the approach that I have the tendency to work with may be quite unique from a Western counterpart’s. Even a fellow learner of the counseling profession who goes to the same class that I do may even hold a different set of approach. And I believe this is interesting and healthy. Interesting because it will become apparent that the kind of lives we live, and our personalities leave an imprint on the way we help others. Yet this is healthy because such variety also caters to the persons from different walks of life that are in need of professional help.

As we journey through my own counseling approach, I will do the best that I possibly could to present the repertoire of beliefs, perceptions and strategies that I have in mind when someone approaches me with the hopes of some kind of enlightenment in the midst of life’s confusion and battles.

Realism, Medieval and Renaissance Philosophy

We continued with our lesson about Philosophy today. Moving on with the views of Aristotle’s Realism and the other emerging philosophical perspectives during the Medieval and Renaissance periods.

Aristotle believed that objects of sense or perception exist independently of the mind. A student of Plato, he differed from his teacher in philosophical views. Aristotle sought truth by investigating the real world around him. His work reflected the philosophical orientation called realism and forms the basis for scientific method. Despite the lack of scientific equipment and basic knowledge of the laws of nature, Aristotle pushed science forward by acting on the belief that the study of matter would lead to a better understanding of ideas.

As a student of Psychology, I am agreeable to Aristotle’s belief that as individuals experience the world, they develop and refine concepts about objects through direct experience. Knowledge exists independent of human knowing and so it is the role of educators, counselors and psychologists to guide students and clients in the world they live.

We moved forward to the discussion of Medieval Philosophy, Thomas Aquinas’ Thomism and St. Augustine’s Christianity which now hold the basis for the Catholic Church today. Their philosophies have such strong influences during their time that it was used to answer psychological questions. Although they used reason to study psychological processes, they did not use scientific method to study them.

It is my belief that during that time, people were so thirsty for religious dogma that there seemed to be a decline of philosophical studies done with the ways of Plato and Aristotle. It seems that people were more attuned to the “supernatural” or a Greater Being that empiricism might have been erased from the face of the earth if not for a brave few who chose to stress the importance of gaining knowledge pragmatically and through the senses.

Fortunately, the Renaissance period hailed more on philosophy to once again answer to psychological questions. Rene Descartes’ “I think therefore I am” went to he extreme of using reasoning to prove one’s existence. He contributed much, though, to modern intellectual outlook, which opposes blind acceptance of proclamations put forth by authorities, religious or otherwise. Which explains why church leaders became so threatened by Descartes’’ challenge—that people should base their beliefs on observation and life experiences.

At this point, I reflected that although there is such a thing as faith, on which we base our belief in God, we also need to have an observational basis for believing things. As Filipinos are trying to move towards a progressive society, I also notice that sometimes, we go backwards. Just out of the blue, a miracle priest comes out in the open and people would rush to him to be “healed” without even trying to find out if they are just being played. There are some who perform dances, go to saints’ churches or statues because they heard that it could get them pregnant, heal them from their disease or illnesses and even spend much on something that does not even guarantee anything.

Personally, I grew up in a religious family. My parents are into church work and as a child I have heard the teachings of our sect many times. Yet, as I grew older, I realized that I needed to find out the basis for these teachings. I cannot go on, live them, and share them to others if I cannot defend the truthfulness in them. I guess it is also the same with philosophy. I serves as a guideline for our lives, our careers, our practice so we should know its basis, its foundations so that we can understand ourselves and even other people who may hold the same philosophy as we do, or differ from us.

Idealism, Realism, Thomism and Humanism and its guidelines for teachers, psychologists and counselors

With many of the basic philosophies discussed, we came into a comparison of helping professionals who hold different views.

For the idealist, education is seen as the vehicle for social mobility. Students/Clients should realize that they have responsibilities towards themselves and to other people. People are born with knowledge and educators are supposed to hone this innate capability to learn through dialogues and interactive learning sessions. Wisdom and goodness should be ingrained on the students/clients to produce individuals who are mentally healthy and morally good. With idealism as philosophy, students/counselees are asked to examine and reflect upon their perceptions of life, truth, beauty and justice. They are to strive towards attaining perfection and thus should be given opportunities to learn.

Clients/students are to be of high moral character and should consider the greater good of the society in which each class and unit would be working harmoniously with each other. Idealist teachers, psychologists and counselors would move towards traditional values and belief systems that are thought to make the world a better place to live in. They are apt to educate their students/clients of idealistic viewpoints and teach truth as a universal belief that a person should work for to be truly happy and actualized.

For the more godly perspective, education is based on the logical study of beliefs of the church. Students should be taught about God with the combination of reason and faith—this then enables students to acquire and use bodies of knowledge.

Teachers, psychologists and counselors who are thomists see their students/clients as co-servers of God. People are created by God and are therefore, to be respected and treated as humanely as possible. Counseling and teaching are done with a theological perspective. Students/clients are taught that reality is an ordered world created by God and that people should strive for eternity with Him. Faith is combined with reason to acquire and use bodies of knowledge.

The humanistic perspective contends for this: education and learning is a vehicle for growth and actualization. The person has the potential to become the best that he can be—he has the natural tendency to learn, therefore education should provide a nourishing environment for a person to fully develop.

Students and clients are viewed to be inherently good, free yet responsible, and full of potentials. They are encouraged to strive for personal meaning in their experience and interpretation of life on earth. Exploration, questioning and critical thinking is encouraged when teaching and counseling. These enable students and clients to discover or construct and use knowledge. The affective dimension of learning is used as well.

As a student and also a part of the helping profession today, I feel that it is important that I learn all of these perspectives. I am aware that I am more of the idealist type but I acknowledge the significance of knowing all the other perspectives so that I will be more effective in helping even those who hold a different philosophy from me. As much as people can be having different goals and motivations in life, the beliefs and philosophies that one holds will always affect the way we decide and carry out our everyday tasks—something that a helping professional-in-training like me should know.

EDUCATIONAL PHILOSOPHIES SELF-ASSESSMENT

We scored the questionnaire today. It is a self-assessment test to let us find out the educational philosophies that we currently hold. The specific questions were all about our opinions on school curriculum, focus, learning, etc. And guess what? I scored highest in the Cognitivism/Constructivism and Humanism philosophies!

I tried to reflect on the truth that the test holds for me. As a part-time college instructor, I introspected on how I saw students, their process of learning and my role in the process. I am not a spoon-feeder. I give my students the outline for each of our lesson before we even discuss it and expect them to do readings on their own. Of course, I let them know that those are my expectations from them. That is why I even have a pretest before the lecture just to check if they did their part. This is because I believe that students actively construct their own understanding of reality through acting upon and reflecting on their experiences. When a new concept, event or experience comes upon them, it is now my role (as their instructor) to facilitate this new learning so that they can incorporate it with their existing schema.

Yet, I am also a humanist because I have this firm belief that each student has potentials and can be fully actualized. Personally, I believe that we are in school and we continually learn (that’s why I am pursuing a Master’s degree) because learning helps us to become the best that we can be. I have students who are bound to fail because of laziness and yet I still take time to talk to them and give them consultation periods because I want to give them hope that they can still work on performing better. I always tell my students that the result of their semestral marks always depends on them—they have control over the events in their lives. I believe that people are inherently endowed intellectually and with good hearts strive for a better state in life. We have the freedom but we must be responsible in how we use this freedom.

So what is my role as their instructor? I believe that I can facilitate growth for my students through encouragement and support for them. If they face obstacles (which they will), I believe I can help them by letting them see these obstacles as challenges that will help them grow. They must be continually reminded that they possess unlimited potential for growth and development; that they will learn and become the best they can be.

I hope I would be able to use my educational philosophies as a basis in my teaching and in helping students through counseling. I believe that being a Cognitivist and Humanist is a good combination for seeing human beings as active learners and hold the potential for maximum growth and development.

Discussion on Ethical Guidelines

Doctors observe ethical codes to which they adhere to. So do nurses, soldiers, teachers, professional helpers, industrial practitioners, etc. With the existence of this guidelines, how is it beneficial? Well, primarily ethics give us a “bible” to live by and help us to avoid malpractice.

As a future helping professional, I think it is very advantageous to us and to our clients that such guidelines exist. It protects both sides and ensures that a healthy helping relationship can exist between client and helper.

As for the class, we were able to discuss two ethics models that put industries into developmental stages of observing ethical codes. We learned about the Archie Carroll Model and the Reidenbach and Robin Model.

Both the Carroll and the Reidenbach & Robin models of industrial ethics give normative representations. It gives series of normative value statement which can be applied to classify a firm or industry’s behavior, particularly on issues that hedge around ethics or morality. Both models also show that companies usually start with only profit and success in mind, no matter what. The point is to establish the firm so as to produce profit and keep the operations going. Also, both models acknowledge that eventually, firms move on to a legalistic viewpoint (legal but not necessarily ethical), then to a more ethical or philanthropic attitude.

But they also differ in that the Reidenbach & Robin Model gives rise to the stage of “Emerging Ethical” (4^th developmental stage), in which the company is going through the transition of not only following the law, but interpreting it in the most ethical manner.

I would consider the organization to which I currently belong to be in the Level 3 – Ethical stage for the Carroll model and in the Stage 4 – Emerging Ethical for the Reidenbach & Robin model. Because I belong to an institution and the clientele are students, their best interest is foremost in the management’s agenda. I remember the owner reiterating that as much as possible, he does not want any increase in tuition fees because the school is supposed to cater to the youth who belong to the poverty line. Also, the owner is not exactly particular in the profits that the school produces because aside from owning a number of establishments in the city, their family has already dedicated the school to the causes of the Catholic Church, along with the ideals and beliefs of a former Pope.

I am not a manager as of the moment but if I do become one, I would want to belong to the highest levels of both models. I do not want to be strictly legalistic in approaching issues within the organization but I would also want to decide for the best of majority of the persons involved.

Learning these ethical models and their developmental stages, I went on to reflect on the following personal questions.

How would I react if I was asked to act in a way that was ethically compromising to my moral position?

I would be reacting with obvious displeasure and unwillingness to comply with such requests. Even if it may be “dangerous” to my career, I would express my sentiments to the superior who asked me to do such task. I would immediately tell him or her that such an act is unethical and could cause a mar on my personal integrity, my company character and possibly, the organization’s reputation.

Would I react differently if my manager or superior said to me that refusal to comply would be a “career limiting decision”?

No. Because if such blackmail would be used by a superior then I don’t think that the organization has put much emphasis on the right values and building integrity amongst its top personnel. And if this is the case, then I would want to get out of that organization as soon as possible. I would not want to be given career progress opportunities but with the exchange of my beliefs and my ethical & moral standards.

How would I go about trying to reform poor practice in my organization?

Firstly, it has to start with myself. I cannot preach without practicing what I believe in. Also, actions speak louder than words. If people see that doing the right thing gives peace of mind, even if this peace does not equate to monetary gain, it is still more important to be able to be proud of honestly hard-earned salary than to enjoy ill-gotten wealth. Such integrity would also reflect on my productivity and working relationship with fellow workers. With this, I can be of good influence to them. Hopefully, I would be able to show them a better way of completing tasks without being morally compromised.

Discussion on Psychological Foundations – Gestalt Perspective

Today’s lesson was all about the Gestalt perspective and the foundations that it laid for practicing counselors. The basic belief of the Gestalt is that knowledge is based on experience and counselors make the person aware of his/her experience since the person has the ability to self-regulate.

The Gestalt theory of change states that the more we attempt to be who or what we are not, the more we remain the same. So we are not trying to change ourselves when we say that we try to be different rather we change when we become aware of what we are.

One of its basic concepts is Holism, which means taking the person as a whole. This means that counselors cannot place value on a particular aspect of a person but attend to the client’s every aspect: thoughts, feelings, behavior, body, dreams, etc.

The Field theory is grounded on the principle that the organism must be seen in its context as part of its constantly-changing field. For the figure-formation process, the figure is the image or the need in focus, the rest becomes the background. Organismic self-regulation is the process in which equilibrium is disturbed due to a need or interest, thus the client would need to self-regulate in order to return to a homeostatic state.

One of the things that I like about the Gestalt perspective is its focus on The Now. The present circumstance is what leads the counselor and it is made concrete to the client by asking “What” and “How” questions. This way, the client feels his/her present emotions, and if the past is affecting the present, he/she will be made aware of the experience, afterwards the feelings are processed.

There is also the thing about the Unfinished Business. These unresolved conflicts are usually manifested in experienced feelings: anxiety, rage, grief, etc. The unacknowledged feelings create unnecessary debris that clutters present-centered awareness, thus it is the goal of the Gestalt therapy to create and attain awareness, which means knowing the environment and accepting oneself.

If I am a counselor with a Gestalt approach, the following would be my functions: assist the client in developing his/her own awareness and experiences, know what is the client’s form and background, encourage client awareness of present moment, do not force change through confrontation but in the context of “I-You” dialogue, focusing on the Here and Now, pay attention to the client’s body language, nonverbal cues, incongruence in the body language and words and the overt speaking habits.

Discussion on Psychological Foundations – Psychoanalytic & Behaviorist Perspectives

The famous Sigmund Freud gave birth to Psychoanalysis and introduced the Psychosexual development of the individual. Freud’s belief is very simple: the first 5 years or the formative years in one’s life affects the adult individual the most. Hence, behavior is controlled by emotional motivations and irrational forces, biological and instinctual drives. Instincts are central to the Psychoanalytic approach. Both sexual and aggressive drives are powerful determinants why people do what they do.

The three components of the personality are the id, ego and superego. The id represents the selfish desires and instinctual drives that want instant gratification. The superego represents the ideal, but sadly not the real. And it strives for perfection. The ego is the balancing force between the two. It may apply delayed gratification on the wants of the id to adhere to the demands of the superego. Behavior, then, is the consequence of unconscious processes. How then, as a counselor, can I help people who may have abnormalities? Well, for one thing, I would have to let the person become aware of his/her overindulgence in any one of the three components. See, Freud believed that neurosis is the result of one of the components being bigger than the two. A normal person should be able to cope with life’s stresses by maintaining a balance in all three. That is why we also use defense mechanisms to cope with challenges. The defenses include rationalization, displacement, reaction-formation, denial, suppression, repression, etc. Although using any of these can help us cope, overusing any of it can also lead to mental illness or maladjustment to life. So, it is also a note for counselors to guide the clients into facing reality and not only to hide by using defense mechanisms.

For Behaviorism, courtesy of John B. Watson, together with BF Skinner, Ivan Pavlov, and the like, the focus is on the study of overt or observable behavior. The social stimuli gives way to the person’s response and it can also become a form of reinforcement.

At this point, I thought about the Filipino setting when it comes to rewards and punishment. With the current administration’s hot seat due to graft and corruption allegations, I am made to think about how people in high positions of the government are able to tolerate such immorality of using the funds of the people for their own good. Sadly, as selfish as people are now, personal rewards are given more importance than the benefit of the majority. So why don’t we punish them? Yet, in reality, how can we? When the people who are supposed to punish are also given percentages of what they are able to steal just to keep them quiet and to avoid the punishment due them.

Hmm.. How are we supposed to trust the system? When the system works only for those who made it.

Discussion on Social Foundations

Social foundations will always be one of the bases of the development of psychology, counseling and education. Its implications in the life of a person and in the evolution of civilization and humankind are inevitable. We are shaped by the kind of family we have, the school where we were formally educated, the kind of community we have, the culture of our country, the religious beliefs that we hold, and on goes the list.

As a product of all these myself, I began to realize some things about myself. Fore mostly, I am generally a friendly person but I choose my friends. When I meet new people, I talk to them, testing the waters and trying to find some grounds of commonality. I try to make the person feel that I am interested to know him/her better, but not to a point that I might strike them as intrusive. The people that I meet or have to interact with due to uncontrollable situations, I try my best to be civil and respectful, regardless of the person’s appearance, age and position. I believe that it is important to treat every person as humanely as possible. For a person to become a friend, it would take some time—I think that it is important that we both earn the trust, respect and confidence of each other.

Feelings of respect and awe usually come to me when I face authority figures. (And also nervousness, as I’ve mentioned in number 3, in some situations). These are my initial emotions. But I have to admit that when I am informed of a negative underside of those authorities, my feelings of awe usually waver, although the respect still remains.

I also think that people ought to be more sensitive, responsible for their actions and godly. I do not really expect these of everyone but I do expect them from the people that I am close to. I guess it stems from my belief that “same feathers flock together”. I feel that the way they are may reflect who I am. When my expectations are not met, I usually feel disappointed. It may even lead to a certain distancing of myself from that person(s). I’ve already experienced this but I have to admit that after some time, I am able to accept the person’s shortcomings (on my expectations, anyway).And soon after this acceptance, I am able to rebuild my fellowship with them. In the same manner as before? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes the gap has become too wide that the rebuilt fellowship may still have some distance.

I have always given importance to the persons who are near to my heart. Depending on the level of closeness, they have influence over my actions, decisions and way of thinking. Also, I seek for their opinion, company and help.

The best part of my personality, in relation to my significant others, is my ability to be loyal to them. I noticed that once a person has been attached to me, they can remain to be despite being physically distant. There’s always the effort to keep in touch and still be part of each other’s lives—not growing apart despite not growing together. Especially if that person and I are like-minded and we hold the same or almost-same values, beliefs and faith. I consider it the best part because my loyalty becomes the reason why I always try to be there for them—pray for them, empathize with them and help them out in times of their need. I think this may be why my closes friends include even those I have been friends with since grade school.

The worst part of my relationship with these people is probably that I have high expectations from them. I expect them to be the persons I have grown fond of. I guess it’s an “exchange” for my loyalty. Yes, I have experienced being disappointed by friends who have done something one time or another—something incongruent with the person I know them to be (especially if the deed is something I consider immoral). Although most have resulted to the maintenance of a good friendship, there are a few that has resulted to gaps between us. I see this as the worst part of me because I feel I’m being too judgmental and righteous (and it’s not like I meet their expectations myself, I think). Though I make it a point to see them as persons to be respected, I cannot seem to pick up from where we left off. The part of me that is scared of unpleasant surprises cannot tolerate incongruence and uncertainty especially on those persons whom I consider significant.

These parts of me can be helpful or unhelpful in relationships with my future clients. My loyalty can push me to persevere and be determined in helping a client work out and resolve her dilemma. This would mean that I can be zealous in facilitating betterment for them, which of course should also be preceded by willingness, cooperation and hard work on the part of the client. This way, the client can feel that she is being trusted. And that I, as the counselor, believe that she is capable of positive change and can reach the goals she has set.

But I would not like it if clients lie to me, or say one thing and do another. I feel that I cannot help and work with persons who can be deceptive, even to those who are willing to help them. I would like clients to be honest with me because the truth could be the best way to find a resolution. Making stories, excuses and denying facts are major turn-offs. If anything like this happens in real life, I would have to tell my client that she will be referred to another counselor because our relationship cannot be helpful if the truth is covered.

I honestly admit that I do not believe I can be a counselor for life. I’m not even sure if I have the abilities to become a “professional helper”. I fear that I do not have the skills and may cause harm to my clients.

Although I really love helping others out, I am afraid of disclosures and strong emotions from others which I may not be able to handle. There are still times when it occurs to me that it might probably be a lot safer to be that “therapeutic friend” than to be the “therapeutic professional helper”.

My Five-year Career Action Plan

By 2013, I will have (completely) earned a master’s degree in Counseling, be a licensed Counselor and working as an instructor in a Bible School.

Goal 1: Earn that master’s degree in Counseling

• Present situation

  • In my first semester in the graduate school

  • Enrolled in the MS Psychology program

• Identified dilemmas

  • A bit hesitant about shifting (because Psychology is my first love) yet currently is “forced” to shift because of RA 9258

  • Financial resources to be consistently enrolled until degree is completed (which would probably take 3 years)

• Plan of action

  • Accept the need for the shift and at the same time, love a career field that I do not really feel inclined to

  • Make ends meet by having (an) extra source(s) of income

Goal 2: Get licensed

• Present situation

  • Still in the 1^st semester of graduate school

  • Cannot see myself as a lifelong professional counselor

• Identified dilemma

  • A bit hesitant about being a licensed counselor

• Plan of action

  • Help in actions that may do something about RA 9258

  • Shift to the Counseling program if the RA is totally pushed

  • Accept the fact that in the near future, the only way I can do what I love to do (as a professional helper) is to be licensed

Goal 3: Teach in a particular Bible School in Tagum

• Present situation

  • Employed in a college institution in Davao City

  • Earning a master’s degree to get a license so that I will be more qualified to teach

• Identified dilemma

  • Teaching would entail less income than what I dream, so I might not be able to provide my future family with everything they need (especially since I plan to send my future kids to really good schools)

• Plan of action

  • Looking into the possibility of getting employed into good primary and secondary schools first (that might get my children free or less expensive education due to employee benefits) and then pursue the dream of teaching in the Bible School later (which would mean 2013 may not be the year to start a teaching career there).

Introductions

Introducing oneself would have rather been easy. Saying your name and sharing tidbits of oneself is something that we can expect when we’re off to do something new and majority of your companions are people you have met for the first time. As this is my first semester in the graduate school, I admit I have been pretty excited about going back to school and experiencing the highs and lows of being a student again. In short, I missed school!

Yet, I was also quite aware of some nostalgic feelings. Going inside a classroom in the university where I’ve spent my college days was like being transported back two or three years ago. Only, I was going inside with different people. There was no Misuey, Aia, Isabel and Juna. That made me think that maybe, I did not miss school—I miss them.

When I was introducing myself, talking about my family, educational background and work, I was also aware that I often weighed if I should tell this much or this little. The people listening to me were mostly strangers—and they will also be the persons I will be learning with for the next months or so. I did not want to say too much yet I wanted to say enough for them to recognize my uniqueness. Also, I noticed that I was quite attentive in listening to them. Hmm…I guess it was primarily because I was semi-impressed about these people who are striving for personal growth through higher learning.

The following week’s activity was appropriately called Memory Game; because we had to remember what the others said about themselves the other week and share that information to the class. To be honest, it did not require me too much remembering. Because I chose to introduce the persons whom I’ve known even before I started graduate school. And I noticed that in choosing the things that I was going to say when it will be my turn to introduce them, I was weighing things even more. Even though they were people that I’ve known before, I did not want to divulge too much lest I said something that they would personally not have wanted the group to know. I guess that is why the things I have shared were mostly superficial, like demographics. I guess I played the safer side.

In The Hat game, I remember looking forward about what my “adviser” would be suggesting to me in reference to my apprehensions, worries and weaknesses. It had been very easy for me to write those things down because I knew that I was writing it anonymously. The person would not know he was talking to me. So I was able to write and put many things there. I was being totally truthful that time. I guess it was the same for my classmates. I heard some very personal information back then and I think that they were thinking the same thought I had—that it was safe to disclose anything on that piece of paper because no one would know it was you.

I was also thankful for the person who got my paper. His suggestions were pretty practical; I could have pinched myself for not thinking about it first. I guess that’s the advantage when we share something about us with a person who is different from us—in gender, race or faith, etc.—because they enable us to see things in a different perspective. And the other’s view could be rather helpful in helping us reflect and make better choices.

Confronting...

I used to be the too polite kind. But I remember an instance when I came too strong because I felt that the persons I confronted were standing in the way of something that I wholeheartedly believed in. And that they had to be “put in their right place” for the cause to succeed. I guess the tendency to come too polite or too strong would depend on how I feel about the issue. If it’s something that can be handled in the kindest manner, then I would probably confront courteously. But if I feel so much for the issue, there’s a bigger probability that I’ll come strong.
There was a time when I felt I had to agree with almost everything that this person would say because I having a disagreement with her would be too tiresome for my time. However, I later realized that it was more tiring to agree with something that I personally oppose, just to stay in “good terms” with that person.
If I had been my own counselor, I would have confronted myself by showing my irrational beliefs: that I had to stay in good terms with the person and that it’s better not to stay true to myself to avoid tiresome disagreements. And being a client, I would have been thankful for the enlightenment! I can’t believe I actually talked myself to be “fake” just to make sure I don’t get into arguments with her.

Expressing Myself

In my family, there is much freedom of expression. We can express both verbally and nonverbally when we are worried, angry, even sad. Yet, there is also much limitation. Because I feel that it is awkward when we express something that might be “corny”. This includes love, sadness due to personal love affairs and things like that. I can’t say that it’s not allowed, it’s just that we’re not used to it so it feels awkward. It’s a good thing that cards, letters and text messages exist because it is through writing that we are able to let other members of the family know that we love them, because saying it face to face really is awkward and “corny” (hehe..).
I don’t think this affects much my willingness to listen to client’s feelings. Because I really want to hear the affective state of my client regarding his/her dilemma. In hearing what they feel, what would influence my willingness to listen is the client’s being honest in what he/she is saying.
I am quite comfortable about bringing up an issue with my significant others especially if I know I have a point reason of doing so. This is when I am sure that not talking about the issue would be unhealthy and unbeneficial for most people concerned. I can be both tactful and confrontational, but usually, I do things more with tact, especially when these are vulnerable issues that most would be uncomfortable talking about. Because putting myself in the others’ place, I would also appreciate it more if the person who brought up the issue would do so delicately, not causing any injury (or if there’s any, just slight ones) to everyone involved.

The Case of Amanda

One of the first emotions that I felt reading Amanda’s case was pity—it seems that the girl is lost. Her father’s death, uprooting from the country and culture she has ever known, and unhealthy relationship with her mother: all of these point that she is in dire need of serious help. Of course, Amanda’s way of “coping” with her situations are unnerving, even annoying. And her mother, as a single parent and disciplinarian, seems to be in a rather difficult situation herself, which makes it harder for her to understand Amanda.

I tried putting myself in her (Amanda) situation. But of course, with my Filipino upbringing and not having experienced such deep loss, I admit I cannot totally empathize with her. Aside from personality differences, if I was not educated that people need to be understood instead of being judged I would have branded her as a spoiled, selfish teenager who cannot see the reality that life does not give us what we want all the time.

But coming to think of that, I think I may be an “Amanda”… maybe just in subtler forms. There are times when I am faced with situations where I feel I am totally helpless to get out of, when things don’t go as planned and it’s out of my control, and when something very significant is forever taken from me. In those times when I feel deprived, cheated, abandoned, uncared for, I also try to “cope” haughtily, wanting people to think that I don’t care about any of those things. I guess Freud was right when he said that these defenses can be healthy. But too much of it can lead to mental health hazard. And that’s why we need help… from the significant people in our lives and yes, God.

Amanda, as young as she is, I believe, knows that she needs help. But she is wary of any help, which she seems to interpret as punishment, especially if it is something forced to her by her mother. Which is why she needs help from someone she sees as a friend.

I tried imagining myself as Amanda’s counselor. One of the first challenges of that role is not to judge Amanda—especially if I have already conversed with her mother and/or school authorities. Building prejudice against her would make it very difficult for me to be able to understand and empathize with her.

Another challenge is building a helping relationship with Amanda, which will let her see me as a friend who is willing to help her. If this is established, I am pretty sure that she will be an active partner during the course of the counseling. Yet it would be quite difficult in her case because she was “forced” to go to counseling, and it was her mother who forced her to it.

And lastly, it would be a challenge to make her mother and her siblings to understand that they need to support Amanda through her counseling period. They need to know that Amanda is undergoing a serious phase in her teenage life and quarreling with or scolding her would not exactly be an encouragement for her. Her home will be one of the most important support systems that she needs so that she may concentrate on her internal and relational issues.

I guess we have or we will encounter an Amanda in our life. It is rather easy to just put them under the category of “People I don’t think I can get along with” or “People too selfish whom I don’t want anything to do with”. But to be a helper or counselor is to learn the skill of seeing beyond the surface facts and coming up with questions to probe the real issues. It is to be aware that a person’s actions are just manifestations of deeper concerns that they may be covering up or ignoring. It is to see human beings as persons—with histories, pains, losses, desires, hopes and blank spaces that they want to fill. It is to let them see that there is hope and that they CAN change and work towards what they want HEALTHILY instead of overusing the defenses. It is about listening…

After all, each one of us has a story to tell.

Comparing Theories

The counseling approaches offer different viewpoints on the nature of man, and how one becomes maladjusted resulting to a need to see professional help. Man is seen here as a product of the past, the choices he/she makes, his/her mentality, his/her overt behavior and the society or culture to which he/she belongs to.
The goals of counseling are seen in different lights, too. Yet they all look towards a direction of providing assistance to an individual who is unable to cope with a present problem that may have its roots in the past and in the cognitive processes of the person.
These approaches also give counselors many choices from which to handpick appropriate strategies, interventions and treatment plans for each unique client. Although counselors are to provide an atmosphere of trust and confidentiality, in which the client feels safe to self-disclose, the counselor also employs a variety of techniques and skills to enable clients to gain insight, realizations and make action plans without imposing their own vales and beliefs. For a counseling relationship to be truly productive, the counselee has to formulate resolutions in a way that will let him/her feel that he/she owns those plans and inevitably, the success.
Since every theory and approach has its own strengths and limitations, an eclectic approach in which the counselor is more concerned on meeting the needs of the client rather than sticking to his/her own perspective of counseling, is vital. Therefore, counselors-in-training need to learn and be equipped with the diversity of belief systems and strategies each approach has to offer. This is not to confuse the counselor or even the client, but to give the counselors a big box of tools from which he/she is able to draw from when appropriate for a particular client.
Approaches to counseling do not necessarily draw the line against each other. They are interconnected, supporting the other’s strength and filling in for what other’s lack. An eclectic approach in the helping relationship will not only benefit the counselor in his/her vast field of expertise, it also maximizes the benefits of the client who will surely be catered to the needs that will enable him to be well-adjusted and able to cope with the tensions and strains of life.

Counseling and Filipinos

I consider the person-centered and behavioral approach to be the most appropriate to use in the Filipino setting or on a Filipino counselee. Why? Consider the following thoughts.

On the person-centered approach
Filipinos are usually ready to share what bugs them. A counselor would not have much problem drawing out a Filipino counselee’s personal history, values, hopes, dreams, strengths, even weaknesses, concerns, fears. It’s like a menu in a restaurant; you ask for something, in a few minutes, you’re going to have it. But there’s a big condition: you have to establish a very good rapport or helping relationship with such clients—which is in line with the person-centered approach’s focus on the quality of the relationship, not the techniques. According to Carl Rogers, empathy, positive regard and congruence have to be present in the counseling relationship to make it productive and result to positive personality change.
Although seeking professional help is not exactly rampant in the Philippines, it is apparent in the need to always keep in touch that Filipinos find a way to vent their feelings, thoughts and experiences to their friends, family and significant people in their lives. It’s like majority are aware that just being able to talk about it, get yourself to actually hear what you’re saying already has a cathartic effect. Usually, Filipinos asked for “advice” but are actually just in need of someone who will listen to them—without judgment, interruption and with undivided attention. Thus, with the generally passive (and very patient) person-centered counselor, the Filipino client would be able to talk extensively within an atmosphere of trust and understanding.

On behavioral counseling
Although the person-centered approach enables the counselor to sit through the client’s disclosure, one of its limitations is that its overly optimistic view may fail to challenge the client to explore deeper areas and may not have a permanent impact to ensure personality change. So, with the support of a behavioral approach, the change in the client becomes more real and concrete. With the Filipino’s willingness to disclose and to usually ask, “So, what should I do?” A counselor may now begin to take an active role in helping the client identify behaviors that are maladaptive and may need to be modified or eliminated. Of course, the counselor does not directly give a long list of “What to do’s” but will assist the Filipino client (by brainstorming, for example) in making step-by-step goals for a change in his/her behavior. This does not only address the symptoms, it also ensures a positive change in the client that will likely continue even after the termination of the helping relationship.

The person-centered approach enables the counselor to hear the Filipino client’s story fully, look into the worldview that is unique to Filipinos. Its optimistic approach is in line with the Filipino’s fatalistic values that always hopes and looks forward to a better and brighter future. But such sharing and self-disclosure is not enough. To achieve those life goals for a better tomorrow, the counselor has to employ behavioral counseling techniques to facilitate the Filipino client in identifying behaviors that may need to be modified, eliminated and learned. Concrete steps in achieving this would be needed to help the client work on something big by toiling first with the smaller bits. With behaviorism’s extensive tray of interventions and strategies, the counselor can choose the most appropriate technique to aid clients achieve their life goals.

Getting Over.. Moving On

When I experienced my first breakup about two years ago, I was highly disillusioned, about love, my life, many of the things that I have believed then. I used to be so idealistic about that aspect of my life. I thought that I would not have to go through a lot of pain and bitterness but that was exactly how I felt when we decided to separate. For around three months, I was really bitter—to God, to him, I just thought I didn’t deserve to undergo such pain. A lot of things kept me anxious—seeing him with a new girlfriend, not being able to move on, about being not desirable enough to have another boyfriend. And a lot more… a lot of irrational thoughts actually. I remember being afraid to go the mall because I was afraid I’d see him with a new girl!

Then one of my older girlfriends talked to me. She was one of those persons who gave approval to that relationship and after the breakup, we did not really talk much. She was straightforward. She asked me what I thought about the whole thing, how I was feeling and so on. After pouring my heart out, she then proceeded to tell me a list of things that were my assets (or my good qualities). Then she told me that it was because of how I thought about myself that I’ve turned pathetic. That really struck me. After that conversation, I realized that I couldn’t allow my self-defeating thoughts to eat me up. I had to think about the situation in a new light, see it in a different perspective.

Soon, I was able to take advantage of my weight loss (which was a lot, so thanks to that I’m thin now.. haha!), I took care of my facial skin (which was in dire need of that at that time), I was able to go out with a few guys, and spend a lot of my free time bonding with girlfriends (I was not employed then). I began to see things in a more realistic manner: that he was not that compatible me, that we were going to different directions and that we would be stunting each other’s growth if we were still together. Also, I was able to get over the fear of seeing him with someone new, because I actually did, and I realized then that it was bound to happen because I, myself, was going out with other guys.

The change in mentality or the way I was thinking really helped me a lot. Although I did not go through formal counseling, being able to identify the irrational thoughts that were disturbing me and replacing them with rational and more realistic ones enabled me to change the way I felt and even the way I acted. Yes, I learned a lot then, about relationships, about ideals, about reality and about myself. But more importantly, I learned the art of looking into life dilemmas and tensions in a different light, to accommodate and assimilate real life experiences into my cognitions. Most of all, I learned that I have control—over my thoughts, feelings, and behavior, which more or less gives me control of my life events.

Counselor-in-Training

Learning about the skills of an effective counselor was a particularly enjoyable part of the journey for me. I discovered that there are many skills and techniques that counselors can employ to help a counselee in the best way possible. That was why I enjoyed answering the journals. There, I found out that I needed to improve my reflecting skills, that I had to practice learning how to confront effectively, that I have to be acquainted with my client’s culture in order to invite him/her to trust me and our counseling relationship and soon, to self-disclose.

Also, I took note of my prejudices and biases. It was then that I realized that I could not be an effective counselor to many groups of people because I held assumptions about them—like gays, lesbians, and the sexually liberated. Although up to this moment, I still have to work on the skill of being non-judgmental, I have acknowledged the fact that my limited world kept me from understanding these groups of people who also have their own stories to tell.

When I was reading Perry’s developmental stages of counselors, I was quite happy to know that my anxiousness about not being able to choose from the variation of approaches that counselors appropriately was quite normal for a counselor-in-training. Learning more about counseling has given me apprehension, which puzzled me. Why was I getting more worried when I was learning more? Shouldn’t I be more confident now? Why do a lot of thoughts race through my mind when I’m supposed to respond to a counselee’s statement? Well, Perry was quite comforting when he stated that it is quite normal for a starting counselor to be overwhelmed by the many possible ways to lead the direction of the counseling to. I had to give myself a break! I still have a lot to learn, to practice and to master!

For the moment, with my awareness of my need for more practice, I have tried to do actual counseling whenever I could. When friends would start sharing to me a problem or situation that they are concerned about, I would tell them that I would be in my “therapeutic helper” mode instead of just being the “therapeutic friend”. Yes, I still have doubts about committing to be a counselor for life, but I’m enjoying that part of me for the moment. Being able to help others with what I’ve learned and even helping myself to be an effective helper.

This counseling class has given me a lot of insights. My reflections in my journals would not hopefully go to waste as I review them and evaluate if I have improved and what areas I still have to work on. Going into counseling does entail a lot of work. Counselors themselves have to be mentally, physically and psychologically healthy to be able to help people who are having difficulty coping with their own life events and stresses. Maintaining that good fit also requires being counseled myself and being open to feedback, correction and more lessons. It is yet unclear what the future brings, but with the knowledge that I have gained, I am hoping that I would be able to look forward positively and to impart that positive outlook to my future counselees.

Self-Exploration

I had to do the Self-Exploration activity for two separate hours. I just couldn’t do it continually to the end. Why? Hmm..to be honest, asking myself those questions and coming up with truthful answers almost gave me a headache. (What’s with me and headaches these days? Let me see… I don’t know.)

In this entry, I will try to answer why.

Maybe because the activity directed me to answer questions that I may have been eluding for quite some time now. Having grown up in a conventional and conservative home and school, I was sheltered. Too sheltered I guess, that it may have made me too righteous. There are times that I compare myself to others and rate myself a bit or a notch better than them. No, it was not on a physical, intellectual or material level, but on the personality and moral aspects.

I feel lucky for having grown up with a Christian family, school, church and friends that shaped the values and beliefs that I hold. When I got to Ateneo University, I was semi-culture shocked because I was suddenly surrounded by people who held not-so-strict morals. People who felt it was okay to smoke, drink and do whatever they want as long as they feel they are not hurting anybody else. But what about themselves? Their bodies? Their wallets (or their parents’)? Not to mention their futures.

That was then that I slowly began to change. Yeah, I became a little looser with what’s right and wrong. But then, it also made a sort-of double standards. Like if everyone thinks that it’s right because a lot of people do it, then maybe it is right. For my friends, their actions may be justifiable. But if I do it, then I don’t think I can forgive myself.

I admit I set high standards and I have a lot of expectations from myself. And I have the tendency to somehow extend the expectations to the persons who are especially close to me. That’s why if they violate it, I am apt feel disappointed, somehow betrayed. And most of the time, a gap slowly forms. Of course the gap doesn’t go on forever. After some time, I am able to accept that that is how they are and as a good friend, I should understand and accept them. Usually, the former friendship is restored, although not totally. But some intimate friendships cannot be brought back. Sometimes a thin wall still separates us. And the former intimacy is never restored.

I mentioned that although I am a very friendly and approachable person, I choose my friends. Because I firmly believe that the kind of person my friends are reflect who I am. And to be honest, I don’t want to be identified with unruly, morally disgusting people. Because I know that once I begin to get close to them, I would want to change them. It would be a good thing if I can influence them for the better. But what if I begin to tolerate who they are? What if I begin defending them? And becoming like them? Presently, I think that’s suicide.

And this brings me to another thought. That maybe, deep inside me, a chained devil lives. Something that because of the way I was brought up was forced to be imprisoned. And this something was somehow stirred when I encountered people who had their devils loose, or maybe freer than mine. I mean, I cannot say that I have lesser sin than others. I may not drink, smoke or do other super-worldly things but I lie, I gossip, I cheat (in school), I get into quarrels with my parents and siblings. Basically human sins. Maybe a part of me knows that it’s possible I could let the devil run loose that’s why I stay as far away from potential liberators, which includes people who could be bad influence.

So…What could have caused a headache? The acceptance that I have adapted a moral double standard, that I could be very unforgiving and judgmental even to my friends and that I have a devil locked up somewhere in there.

Hmmm… Can someone please slay it?

Childhood Memories, Significant Achievements and Fondest Dreams

When we were instructed to think of our happiest childhood memories, our most significant achievement so far and our fondest dreams, scenes from family reunions immediately came to my mind. And a light, cheerful feeling came over me. It did not take me too long to think of the personal details that I could share to my group mates.

If asked to reminisce what happy memories during my childhood years left an eternal imprint on my mind, I would say it would be those summer and Christmas vacations when everyone in my mother’s side of the family would gather at my Amah’s (grandmother) house in Ozamis City (which also happens to be my birthplace). I remember the fun I had when we all had to wear red outfits during my grandmother’s birthday celebrations. I loved being with my cousins. Most of us were of the same age and we always looked forward to meeting, spending time with each other and updating how we were all doing (even in our young lives...haha!). I also remember my Ang Kong’s (grandfather) wake and funeral. But then, I do not remember crying or even feelings of sadness. What I do remember is the excitement that I felt when we were on our way to Ozamis City. My siblings and I had to miss our classes but I didn’t mind it then. I also remember that we all had to wear white outfits—which made quite an impression on me. I just thought that our family was so united, something like that.

What I consider to be my biggest achievement so far is the fact that I helped in establishing Zaphenath Paneah Performing Arts, Inc (ZPPAi). And that we were able to organize its biggest (so far) and first fundraising event last July 8, 2007 at the CYO Gym. This church-based organization was established last August 7, 2004 with the aim of reaching out to the children and youth of semi-depressed areas and giving them the chance to uncover their talents. We started to offer free workshops on dancing, singing and acting for these young people. And the group’s masterpiece is the musicale, Joseph, the Dreamer, which we have been able to perform for several times in Davao City, Tagum, Kidapawan, Cagayan de Oro, Valencia and as far as Cebu. It’s not actually the number of times that we have performed or the amount of money that we were able to raise (because we weren’t actually able to raise any..haha!), but what makes that group so significant to me is that we were able to reach out to those kids and empower them by helping them unleash their talents that could have possibly died if they weren’t given the proper venue to showcase it. And foremostly, ZPPAi is aiming at helping these young people grow in the spiritual aspect.

And my fondest dream is to teach in the Bible School (in Tagum) where my father taught for almost a decade. I know it wouldn’t make me a very rich person but ever since I was in high school, I have been dreaming of being educated there and afterwards, impart what I’ve learned to the next generation. That school trains future Pastors and Bible women, and since I can’t actually see myself devoted to the kind of work that they do, then I guess I can contribute by mentoring and facilitating learning in them (maybe teach them a subject or two in Counseling, that is if they won’t be punished by law for doing so without license, haha!).

Sharing these personal details with my classmates (even if I don’t know most of them that well) was fine for me. Thinking about these things gave me such a cheerful feeling that it was a pleasure to share the thoughts to other people. I’m sure my group mates also felt the same way; we all said a lot of things showing that inhibitions were actually low. And it did not take us so much time to think about what we were going to say so I guess that like me, most of the people in my group were eager to share those personal stuff.

I am actually thankful for the activity. Mostly because it gave a good, pleasant feeling that stayed with me until the next day. It reminded me of good old days, of what I was capable of and of where my heart was leading me to. Plus, it drove away the slight headache that I was having after my first class that Saturday (honestly! hahaü).

My On-The-Job-Training Days: A Look Back

I had fun while "working" at RIZAL SPECIAL EDUACTION LEARNING CENTER. I am so thankful that our supervisor, Ma’am Gold was really kind and accommodating. I was really anxious about working alone on Tuesday and Thursday mornings but she made it easier for me. She was very open about herself and was genuinely interested to also get to know us.

I especially loved my experience in the Intellectually Challenged (IC) class. I adored the kids even if I only had one-hour encounters with them. James was one of my favorites because he’d talk to me whenever he found his way to the Guidance Office. I’d always ask him how he was and he’s shyly look away and say, “Fine, teach.” I really hope that we could be assistant teachers in the IC class again soon.

Doing the OLSAT profiling was also a task that I liked. Although it was pretty menial, I also got the chance to review something that I could not have practiced if Ma’am Gold did not trust us with the job. Maybe I’d also be a Guidance Counselor someday and the experience could help me in making my job easier because I’ve already practiced and experienced it. I really pray that Ma’am Gold’s plan of letting us administer the OLSATs would really push through because that would be another learning experience.

Although the teachers’ evaluation was a tedious and tiring task, I also had fun doing it because I discovered an easier way of tallying the students’ evaluation of their teachers. Ma’am Gold’s method of getting the students’ evaluation was good and is also a big help for the tallying person not to get lost in the tallying process. There were many times when I felt I would fall asleep while working but I was able to keep myself awake because of the set deadline that we had for that task.

I’m also glad that I had Misuey and JP with me during the practicum. They helped in making things easier for me because I knew that they would be there to help me out. I’m also glad that I got to know some students in that school. They were really kind and friendly.

I’m honestly looking forward to our next training in Rizal Sped. I know that there are still a lot of experiences in store for me.